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April 13 , 2008

Black married couples come together to renew, rejoice, reflect

By Tania Mann

STAFF WRITER

“Live in me, Lord, for I may be the only Jesus this generation may see; I will be flesh for you if you will be spirit for me.” These words, from the song “Live in Me Jesus” by Calvin Bernard Rhone, transformed John and Pamela Ashford’s marriage.

The couple from St. Ailbe Parish, 9015 S. Harper Ave., spoke at the archdiocese’s Black Marriage Day prayer service on March 30 at St. Clotilde Parish, 8430 S. Calumet Ave. The event brought together black couples married for more than 50 years, and any other couples wishing to attend, for a renewal of vows and a celebration of successful marriage.

The Ashfords were part of the team that began the country’s first diocesan marriage preparation program by and for African Americans in 1981 in Chicago, along with Andrew Lyke, coordinator of marriage ministry for the archdiocese, his wife, Terri, and Martin and Pat Redd.

Pamela Ashford spoke of “Live in Me Jesus” as a song that “bound [their] marriage and that binds it today.”

The couple reflected on the difficulties and graces of married life.

“Marriage is the only lifelong career we enter without any training,” Ashford said. “But if we accept the blessings he showers us with today, we will make it through.”

Being God to each other

The two recalled a pastor who told a group of married couples in a workshop to turn to their partner and say, “I am God.” No one would do it. But soon, it became clearer through his explanation that a healthy relationship involved each person imitating God in his or her treatment of the other.

“Be God to one another in all things and mostly in lifting each other spiritually,” they advised.

One example of this is in service.

“Serve one another; the more he served me, the more I found ways to serve him,” Ashford said. “And the service comes from God.”

Inviting God in

Wendell and Shirley Venerable of St. Giles Parish, Oak Park, who have been married 50 years, also see the importance of letting God in.

“Keeping him as part of your daily plans, I think that mission can be achieved, to keep your vows and honor each other as you journey together,” Shirley Venerable said.

It’s the couples who have done just that who were honored and celebrated at Black Marriage Day.

At the reception following the prayer service Lyke acknowledged all 44 of the couples who had registered as being married for 50 or more years.

“It gives us hope,” Lyke said. “It gives us reason to believe it is possible. We thank you for that evidence of grace that is among us.”

The day was part of the National Pastoral Initiative on Marriage, and Lyke said that the U.S. “bishops are in practice of putting together a letter to promote the success of black marriage.”

The day’s event made clear the spiritual benefits of marriage in Christ. As Ashford said, it fulfills the “need to cuddle with someone in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me.”

For more information on the Pastoral Initiative on Marriage and for marriage tips, visit www.foryourmarriage.org.