Aug. 25: 21st Sunday in Ordinary Time

Pull of the Spirit

Jos 24:1-2a, 15-17, 18b; Ps 34:2-3, 16-17, 18-19, 20-21; Eph 5:21-32 or 5:2a, 25-32; Jn 6:60-69

My brother and I were not raised within any faith tradition. Both of my parents were raised Catholic, but they left the church long before my brother and I were born.

I started to feel a spiritual call in my early 20s, so I began exploring different religions to see if I could find a place to call home. Although I genuinely wanted to take the journey with an open mind, I had a strong feeling that I would end up choosing Catholicism.

When I was a little girl, I loved to stare at the rosary my Nana had on her bedroom wall. Something about it called to me and calmed me. I had been to many different churches over the years. I had been to weddings, funerals and even some regular Sunday services after sleeping over at a friend’s house. I never felt anything in those churches. But the day I walked through a Catholic Church by happenstance, I felt the same calm feeling I had felt when I would look at my Nana’s rosary.

Still, when I began my “spiritual journey,” I fought tooth and nail against the call I knew I was feeling. I came up with many intellectual objections and reasons why I did not want to be Catholic. But there was only one true reason: fear. 

I was afraid of what my family and friends would think of me, because neither my family nor most of my friends were religious. Many of the people in my life were staunchly against religion. I was afraid they would look down on me or think less of me. I was afraid of the sacrifices I might have to make. I was afraid of how my life would change. I knew it would surely change in ways that I could not even imagine, and for whatever reason my brain got stuck on only the possible negative ways it might change.

This promise of change can be frightening because we do not know what it will entail. Sometimes this change comes with sacrifice. We see this with the prophet Jeremiah who tells of how isolated he has become because of following God’s call. However, God’s call was too powerful, and when he tried to ignore it, his body became like a prison and his heart burned within until he stopped fighting and became the prophet he was called to be (20:7-9).

My life changed drastically when I finally accepted God’s call and went through the RCIA process. Being a part of the church is not always easy. It is a challenge and there are days when I want to walk away. Even so, it has been one of the most rewarding journeys of my life. It is this knowledge of and trust in God’s generous care (Prv 9:1-2, 5) that helps me work through the difficult days on this path that God has sent me.

In our reading from John today, the disciples are reeling from an idea that sounds truly horrific — the command to eat Jesus’ flesh and drink his blood to attain eternal life (6:53-56). Many followers of Jesus walked away at this point (6:66), and understandably so. Only the Twelve remain and even they seem unsure about what Jesus has said.

Only Peter responds to this difficult saying, insinuating that they have no other choice but to stay with Jesus, no matter how they feel about his command (6:68-69). They cannot hide from their call to follow Jesus, because deep down they know it is the right path for them.

Throughout our lives we find ourselves in similar situations. Deep in our hearts we often know what God calls us to, and we often resist out of fear, doubt and uncertainty. As scary as it may seem to trust God’s will and to let ourselves be transformed, we will never be settled until we let go of our fear and follow the pull of the Holy Spirit.